| and my worst pains are words i cannot say... |
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| 11:42pm 05/03/2005 |
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mood:  calm music: Caterpillars-The Spill Canvas
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a few more days and i am done with SAT classes.they've had their fun points, i cant seriously complain.my life is really hectic now...i have play rehearsal, i volunteer, select chorus,452345 hours of homework, i tutor people(4), i have an SAT tutor, SAT classes,i babysit, i have to finish my gold project for girl scouts...it's a lot.
i got accepted to/have the opportunity to attend several colleges over the summer;harvard,yale,columbia(i think i might end up going there),boston university,penn state,loyola,american,stanford,and UC Berkeley being the aforementioned colleges. I got accepted into a Leadership program based on academic achievements inviting me to take class(or classes) of my choice (business and entrepreneurship)at American, Loyola, Standford, or UC Berkeley.I really don't know where Im going to go or what im going to do.I'm a bit overwhelmed.
I have SATs next weekend. I have to finish some homework tomorrow and then I can relax. I have the last part of the HSPA monday. I like HSPA days.I find that during tests, time passes quickly.it's nice.i dont mind it.
my life, on a whole, is good.i really have no complaints.i found out several things that have made me very happy recently.i am doing much better in chemistry, and in all my subject areas.my friends are crazy awesome, fabulous and splendid.im ultra tired and got a total of 27.5 hours of sleep this week.helllll yes.tomorrow i can sleep late.which means i'll be up by 9 to do homework...well the homework that isnt already done.
oh and emi and i had a waterbottle fight in my room and then i james bonded it across my kitchen floor.
au revoir,mes amies |
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| 10:44am 21/02/2005 |
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and its just my luck to end up getting stuck to everything you are...so tonight i'll sit and pick apart your pictures and overanalyze your words.the truth is that ive never fallen so hard.its taken everything in me just to forget your sweater so far.i can honestly say that ive never, ever ,ever felt this way..your lips, your eyelashes,your skin.... |
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| 11:12pm 10/02/2005 |
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ive come to the sick conclusion that im just fed up with playing second best to people.cuz thats what ive become.dont treat me that way, i dont fucking appreciate it.the end. |
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| im not happy |
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| 09:10pm 01/02/2005 |
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for the first time in a very long time, i can most certainly say with confidence that i am not happy.
at all. |
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| this weekend sucks because... |
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| 09:16am 23/01/2005 |
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they canceled prom.
and im being optimistic about it,but last night when i looked at the clock, i realized where i was supposed to be...
i've been looking forward to this day for four months....
it gets me a little bit sad. |
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| 32 below freezing. |
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| 07:49pm 29/12/2004 |
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so it was kind of chilly today.the sun is shining and its bright and by looking out from the inside it looks beautiful.but its all a facade.if you took a moment to step outside and feel the chill,you too would know exactly how cold it is.warmth seems months away.this is all a facade.sometimes i wonder if the world has a constant battle with himself over kissing the weather cold and leaving us constantly waiting to be held in summer's warm embrace.so we wait.
and i shiver lonely and i long for your summer.im so helpless and dazed and you're leaving me here ,frosted and cold.but we look like the weather,we're just a facade.You and I are NOT perfect...but everyone says we are.nobody has stepped into OUR world to know.
We
are
not
the
summer. |
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| everybody,it seems to me,just wants to be just like you and me... |
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| 11:54am 07/12/2004 |
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mood:  bouncy music: people talking
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so im here in study hall.35 minutes to go.i have double periods of chorus next.im kinda excited, just for the sheer fact i dont have to go to class and i just get to stand there and sing.its not that hard to stand there and put a pitch to lyrics of awful songs.so im looking forward to that.
i think im paranoid for retarded reasons.but i mean, once you know other people got involved(no matter how long you have known about it),it can still bother you to the core.because it's nobody's business but yours.
and then theres the alterior motives.you're jealous or maybe you secretly hate me or maybe you just dont want to see me happy.those are all possibilities.but why be jealous?whats the point?what joy does that bring you?at the end of the day you're still alone.
but then again...so am i?
but only not so much.cuz i know.and i find solace in that.its something to hold onto now.because if not, what else is there?i can count on a few of my friends, but loose lips force trust in a friendship to gradually fade away...
you cant recover from that.and this heavy heart wishes that could be changed.that a sudden blink of an eye can make you be more true.that it could fix this.my skepticism is keeping me awake at night...so slumber hasn't come easy lately, to say the least.but then again, what HAS come easy for me?im overloaded on work.i feel like im being bombarded with books, thrown in all directions without adults having any regard for my sanity.the tension in my back rises and it hurts to move now.
then again, it hurts to do much of anything these days.
it's cold and it makes one yearn for what others have.you look around, your lonesome self, and realize you are just that.lonesome.
so heres a plea that everything i really wish for comes true.because its only one thing.and truthfully, i want nothing else. |
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| this way |
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| 03:42pm 16/11/2004 |
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i never meant to feel this way about you.
...and i do. |
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| 06:37pm 09/11/2004 |
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AHH IM SO EXCITED FOR PLAY! |
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| So Lets Play Doctor Babe... |
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| 12:08pm 24/10/2004 |
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mood:  sleepy music: Flypaper:Allister
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so yeah yesterday i realized i have a shopping problem.
I bought...
-A Halloween costume
-2 shirts(A&F, Ruhel)
-Sweater(AE)
-1 tank top(A&F)
-1 pair of pants(Roxy)
That totalled...$240.
My mother is unaware of the fact that I spent this much money.I hope it remains that way.
There's this new store in GSP called Ruhel.Outside they have a sidewalk and it looks like a New York apartment.Inside it's all dark and they have beds randomly outside of dressing rooms and they have mirrors all over.It's tres trendy.There is no sign outside sayin "Ruhel"but if you find yourself at GSP, look for it.It's on the upper level.And if you are a metrosexual guy, check it out too.The clothes are somewhat expensive.I bought a $40 shirt from there.And then got offered a job there.But I'm not 18.Boo.
Now..why did I go insane and spend way too much money on clothes?
That's up to you to decide.
Who ever guesses close enough to the real thing...WINS A PRIZE!
go for it. |
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| 10:39am 17/10/2004 |
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mood:  sore music: Better Late Than Forever:Allister
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I have my prom dress.it is the most gorgeous thing i've ever seen.i think i am in love with it.wait, i know i am.i can't even wait to wear it!!
Here's the prom check list of what i have/need to get:
-a date(check)
-a dress(check)
-shoes
-tickets
-money
-plans for after prom
-that thing you need to pin on the guy.
-hair and makeup appointment
-manicure and pedicure appointment
-accesories
-my dress tailored
considering it is only october and prom is in 3 months i think im good so far.but i need to get my shoes within the next 2 weeks. |
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| we're only 7 miles from the sun.... |
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| 08:10am 03/10/2004 |
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mood: tired music: Another Perfect Day:American Hi-Fi
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sorry that i havent updated in like a year!!!
i like october better than september.mind you, its only the third..BUT STILL SHHHHHH.
october 1st i went to the teen center with nikki.i was really happy ALTHOUGH some points of the night made me want to throw my shoe at peoples heads.but i didnt...and only because i really like my shoes.the band with the two kids from select was good.that made me happy...and gary read his lyrics off of a piece of paper.that made me even happier.im not gunna say anything negative about the other band who played because that would be mean...(so mean)..so yeah.
yesterday emi jackie and i went to the mall.i bought 2 cds,pacsun perfume that ive run out of since around cruise time(because it leaked on my flight to florida and made me very angry),and i bought a camera to take pictures.
then at 8,melissa came to pick me up and her parents asked me 8000 questions and they were like "hows your love life"...WELL GEE I WISH I HAD THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION!ha.pathetic, much?
so yeah at the party it was basically me and jenna the whole time.jess was acting like an insane freak and i couldnt stand it.i mean im crazy but she took it to a whole new level.jenna got really hungry so she ordered a pizza(they only had birthday cake there).sean and i did the birthday cake dance...which we invented.then he tried to get eye level with me(since im 5 feet tall) and he was like "you can look at my crotch, i can look at your boobies"..i guess you had to be there but it was SO funny because it was the most humungous joke from before.everyone around just looked at him and they were like "wtffff..."but yeah i got that.funny sean, really funny.we got these light up stick thingys(you know the ones you used to get at like the roller rink or something)and sean made it hang from outside his pants making it look like something RATHER innappropriate haha.so i put mine inside my dress and my dress was glowing it was cool.liz and i sat on the floor and sang all of "Your Favorite Weapon"it was really funny.and then a decade under the influance came on and i went nuts and alex was like "i LOOOOVE you for that"hahaha.alex's cousin was talking about how he saw footloose and i was like "yeah i was in it"and he was like "wow who were you??" "oh i was the drunk whore mama in mama says" "WOW YOU WERE AWESOME....you look normal in real life" ahahah yeah.thank god.
jenna and i had a heart to heart.i love her so much.soooo sweet :)i got home and saw that my buddy dave left me a "goodnight kind alto" on my away message.ha.he makes me laugh so much.we have so much fun together...
i have SAT class in an hr and a half.BOO. |
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| but as you sleep |
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| 12:33pm 19/09/2004 |
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mood: tired music: nothing
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so this weekend was a lot more fun then i expected it to be.
we got there and picked our beds.steph was on my top bunk and i was on the bottom.our room was really really nice.well yeah we had no cell service but thank you to everyone who IMed/texted me.i jumped into the lake with all my clothes on...that was hot.umm and mrs blum came up.if you dont know who that is, i hooked up with her son awhile back.i had no idea why she was there.and it was so awkward but she ended up liking me as did all the ladies.they called me miss risa.this weekend was so random like when whipped cream got shoved in my eyes or when they smeared sour cream down my leg.
it was awesome.awkward.awesome. |
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| set it off. |
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| 10:01pm 10/09/2004 |
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music: Reinventing the Wheel to run myself over:Fall Out Boy
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an update from my last entry, if you will.
i spoke to her just because it was killing me.
apparently it was one big love rectangle?
she didnt even care about him.
not at all.
so why did she do that to me?
im trying not to care.but look what good it's doing me.
tonight i bought For All Of This and North.because i lost my other North.
the end. |
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| Tonight, subjects are overrated |
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| 11:10pm 06/09/2004 |
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mood: Crazy music: Surreal Life
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this has been keeping me up all night...so here we go.
maybe its all my fault.maybe i shouldnt been going through the couldda/wouldda/shouldda because i didnt mean to feel this way.
its my fault and i know it and i dont put the blame on anybody else.despite what anybody else knew/heard i really cant blame anybody.
but like..im just sitting here and its kind of keeping me up.all these couldda/wouldda/shoulddas.
but knowing me, i wouldnt have done anything anyway.
so it really doesnt matter.
but for some reason its just bothering me.
id love to not give a fuck and just say whats on my mind.
because then i think id be good.i wouldnt care.
but im stupid so i have to dwell.and i have to care.and i have to smile and suck it up and pretend like it doesnt bother me.
but it really does. |
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| i dont think i care |
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| 11:21am 05/09/2004 |
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mood:  awake music: Konstantine:SoCo
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last night was such a colassal mess.and i knew it from the start because when i checked out the scene, i turned to sam and said that this was hell taking over...
see, it wasnt a mess for me.for everyone else it was.in this town, you cant trust your best friend.people here play so dirty and no matter how nice you are or how cool you are, people WILL take advantage of you and dick you over.
and whats with people cheating on eachother now a days??i saw so many people that are cheating/getting cheated on.its just easiest to keep my mouth shut.but i do feel bad for them.things like that make me glad im not in a relationship.sort of.i dunno.
im going out soon.
much love<3333 |
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| if im just bad news, then you're a liar |
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| 11:12pm 03/09/2004 |
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mood:  silly music: Mix Tape:Brand New
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today was so strange
i had french 5 today.ive learned that we are supposed to speak only french.or else we have to pay 5 cents for every word we speak in english.shit.
chorus was awesome.my class owns.we havent started singing yet but we have all us crazy select chorus people.we're gunna be hot sounding.
then us history 2 was good.we took some notes.
then there was lunch.then math
wow could my math teacher be any cooler?negatory.i have sam mia and danielle in that class.i had chem lab today instead of study hall.we watched this safety video that had one guy get chemicals on his clothes or something.and then it was like "dont be modest, the teacher will have all other students leave the room so remove ALL clothes"then there is this guy NAKED in the shower and another guy checking him out.what the hell.and oh yeah my chem teacher was absent.second day of school.yeahh....gym i just sat around and talked to some kids.oh i talked that new kid who used to be homeschooled.he was cool.
oh then select.wow.we sounded awesome.i was so excited.we're gunna kick major ass.
gina and i and hopefully my sister are planning on meeting up with stephanie and possibly ryan to go to six flags sometime.tom, you are more than invited.but yeah...indiana...jersey.kinda a long way.so its understandable.just dont think that we forgot about you.
then i went to the mall with nicole.it was dandy.we had a crazy time.ran into vicki and then later amanda s. we had an awesome time putting on weird costumes and prancing around.much love to you all<333
AnJeLeYeZ147: buttery butt
Sparkles3082: grandma fucker
AnJeLeYeZ147: mother fucker
Sparkles3082: father fucker
AnJeLeYeZ147: damn right |
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| everything i wish for will never come true |
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| 06:45pm 02/09/2004 |
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mr FREAKnik gal: oh geez
mr FREAKnik gal: chem
mr FREAKnik gal: how lovely
oh yes stephanie.oh yes.the chem.
so today was cool.for some reason all my friends who didnt give a shit about me last year or this summer(awesome friends, i know)started actually talking to me like we were all best friends.and then other really random people were like "wow risa you look so pretty".i mean it was nice.
i ran into alli in staples.shes in my chem class.we were close in 7th grade but i really havent spoken to her since.she talked to me a few times in chem.and then in staples she was like "can i have your screen name"
...okay random.but nice.weird.but nice.im going to help her with chem homework.
so then lester called me cuz i IMed him saying what miss smith said in class today. "its quiet without lester"-lisa smith.so he called me and hes like "WE'RE GETTING ICE CREAM!!!!!!!"haha.i miss my fave college boy.me and him are always gunna be tight.
i really enjoyed being in the same class as my sister.and i enjoy having a study hall.i enjoy my hair being blonde and having my side bangs back.i enjoy having people actually want to talk to me again.im having a good time.
with could be ruined because of honors french 5.or maybs not.who knows?
so heres a run down of my day.period 1 chorus-i had A.finnerty(AGAIN YESS!),austin,emi,meghan, nick,dave,kat,jaime.it was good.period 2 hons us hist 2-my teacher thinks shes funny.she isnt.good class. per 3-hons eng 3-cahn AGAIN YESSS BEST TEACHER.basically same class give or take a few teachers.alyssa and i pushed our desks together like always it was good.5-study.wasnt so bad 6th-gym, that was good.hons chem-tough.but i sit next to a hot guy and i am friends with my class.
yay for that.
good dayy |
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| keep this kingdom free from hassle. |
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| 07:04pm 31/08/2004 |
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mood: bouncy music: Down:SoCo
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today was awful.im so tired and it feels strange being home.i dont want to be here.
i got myself some school supplies.i feel like im missing something.hmmmmm.
so my mom took me to pac sun in paramus park to get the messanger bag that she promised shed get me the day before we left for florida.i was like "mom its the last one lets get it"and shes like "after the cruise".yeah pshhha they didnt have it.
so tonight when we pick up jackie from the mall, i will go find it.OR ELSE...i dunnno.
school starts the second mother fucker
im ending this now because i have to help tom get acquainted with livejournal.
bye dears |
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| i need you to save me too... |
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| 12:25am 31/08/2004 |
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mood:  nostalgic music: 5th wheel son.
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the cruise was sooo amazing.and im online talking to these kids like we've been best friends for years.
its weird,but i like it.and i like them.so it all works out.
i was so sad when we left today. :( i really like them.
i had such a shitty time all summer.i really needed something to make my summer fantabulous.
it was more than i could have ever asked for.
im really happy.
but now i miss it.:(
i need to sleep.at 1:30.wow.so early.
nightt |
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